Mirror, Mirror

I have had some really profound and uplifting moments during the past couple of weeks regarding my self-worth and beauty.

It started by seeing my Aunt Eileen. She has Down Syndrome and has lived with my parents for 17 years now. She moved into our home when I was almost 11 years old and she has been much like a sister to me. In many ways, growing up with her taught me how to love and serve and I believe it was a big reason why I wasn't much of a typical "teenager." It was my responsibility to help my parents with her and, partly because of that, I believe being the youngest child wasn't exactly the same experience for me as for many others.

She and I have a strong bond and my love for her runs very deep. My children also adore her and even my 10 month old baby wants to give her hugs and kisses. We all know she is special and that it is a blessing to have her in our lives.

Every time I return home, I am touched by Eileen's love and tenderness. She will often say "You look beautiful, my niece" or "You look pretty today." I am not one to accept compliments very well. I have improved over the years and have learned to be gracious and accepting, but in my heart of hearts I often doubt or disbelieve the sentiments, but for some reason I truly believe her words.

When she says kind things to me, I know that she is being genuine and means them whole heartedly. I am sure most people are the same, but I guess my relationship with her has taught me to trust her. Maybe I feel that she won't lie to me. Maybe I accept it more from her because I think she is the most beautiful person I have ever known. I am not exactly sure of the reasoning, but I do know that I love to be around her and to be uplifted by her.

Now, if you have followed my journey, I have been trying very diligently to shift my perspective and to view myself more through the Savior's eyes than through the world's. I have progressed leaps and bounds and I feel like a very different person than I was four months ago, but there are two very specific experiences I have had within the past two weeks that have shown me that I am getting there. My eyes are beginning to see.

Just over a week ago, the women in my immediate family went for a girls' weekend. We reserved a hotel and made plans to enjoy ourselves. That Saturday morning, I took a shower and as I got out, I took a long hard look at myself. I examined every curve, every stretch mark, every part of me. I just stood there and looked at my body for several minutes.

Now, I do believe I am unique in that I am actually much more comfortable and confident in my naked self than I am with clothes on. Don't get me wrong, I am not about to go trouncing about in the buff, but I definitely appreciate the shape of my body when I don't have clothes squishing and shoving every part of me every which way. In that moment, I liked how I looked, but even more important than that I just kept coming back to my eyes.

I kept looking into my eyes and every time I did, I couldn't help but smile. Do you know why? It's because I saw her. I saw the beautiful face of my spiritual self, the woman that strives every day to be better and tries to serve and love and hope. I saw a woman that lives true to herself and relies on the Savior. I saw a mother that makes mistakes but prays every day, multiple times a day, to know how to raise her children in truth and righteousness. I saw a woman that loves her husband and has learned how to serve him and love him unconditionally. I saw a daughter of God.

The amount of peace I felt in this moment was tremendous. I felt the love of my Heavenly Father fill my soul and heart. I felt as if I would float right up into heaven because of the light that was within me. I felt gratitude for a Father in Heaven who knows me personally and loves me individually. I felt so many good things, that it's almost impossible to put it into words.

I went to the temple last week with my husband and once again felt that same peace and love. I looked into the mirror again and saw what I have been waiting my whole life to see. I was reminded once again of how much my Heavenly Father cares for me and how close He truly is.

Ever since these two experiences and hearing the words from my Aunt Eileen

, I look into the mirror with a different understanding. I am no longer ashamed of the reflection I see. Instead, I am filled with joy. I can now better comprehend who I am and who I want to continue to be.