Trust in the Lord's Timing

So often I think that the answer to my prayers and problems is something that is immediate. Like so many things in life we want "results." I workout one time and feel that I should see a difference in the mirror the next day. I read my scriptures and expect an immediate opening of the heavens and spiritual insight. I ask my children nicely to do something the first time and demand that they follow through, no questions asked. As humans, we expect things to workout just how we imagine, because we cannot comprehend the amount of time it truly takes.

In so many ways, I am coming to appreciate and love the Lord's timing. So much of my life I have spent waiting for the next big thing to happen. As a child it was the idea of growing up, turning 16 and driving a car. Then it was to graduating high school, then college, then marriage, children, graduate school, and now it's on my husband finishing grad school and getting a job and settling down. During a lot of those "waiting periods" in my life, I have experienced tremendous growth and development. It's in the waiting that the Lord had molded me.

At this point in my life I am extremely content with how everything has played out. I didn't plan on having three children by now, but my baby Grace has brought me so much peace and joy and has actually helped me to remain centered and balanced. She was an answer to a prayer I hadn't really thought to even pray. I cannot imagine my life without her and wouldn't trade her, or my lack of sleep, for anything in the world. And even though I am busy with three little ones, I have gained a testimony of the Lord's timing with family planning. He knows so much better than I what I can handle and what I need, and probably more importantly, what they need.

The light is at the end of the tunnel regarding graduate school. Now we can dream about where we will settle, what type of house we will live in, what kind of dog we will get. We are looking forward to the future, but both Cameron and I have decided to treasure the time we have left in school. This is a time in our life we will never get back. Sure, living on student loans and hardly any money can be challenging, and the stress of making ends meet sometimes keeps me up at night, but living lean has taught us the value of money. We have learned to be creative with our time and resources.

The friends we have made and the connections that have been formed through our time in Ohio and in our church activity have truly changed our lives! People have said things, inspired things, that completely changed my perspective on certain trials or challenges without them even knowing it. We have learned the value of reciprocal relationships and what it means to give and take. We have put ourselves "out there" and we have had it returned tenfold. We have experienced more love and service while living in Ohio than ever before.

Our marital relationship is at an all time high. The challenges of going through graduate school, both for my husband and for me, the supportive housewife, have brought us extremely close. We have experienced mini crises and have made it through every single one. We have learned to rely upon one another, to cleave to one another and the Lord.

Before we moved far away from our families, I was not necessarily the most devoted wife. I mean, I loved him with all my heart and was completely faithful, but I often let myself get distracted with family. I really had to let them go and cling to him through some of my darkest times and he has brought me so much peace and comfort. When we are apart now, it truly feels like my better half is missing. I am not as positive, my self-esteem slightly waivers and there is an emptiness I feel at our separation. I am a much better person with him.

If graduate school had gone as quickly as I wished in the beginning, we wouldn't have grown or learned as much. And now, with him only having several months left, we plan to cherish every moment. We are going to spend much time with our beloved friends, we are going to see the sights and go on adventures. We are going to open our hearts to any trials and challenges that the Lord sees fit to send our way, because He hasn't failed us this far. He has always known exactly what we need to draw closer to each other and to Him.

They say "Hindsight is 20/20" and it's true. When you can look back upon your past experiences with the knowledge you have now, you can see all the pieces that came together to make you the person you are today. I have experienced so much growth as I have gone through my trials in the Lord's timing. I trust in it. I know it is much better than my own imperfect perception of how things "should" go. He knows and He understands exactly what needs to happen for me to fulfill my divine mission on earth and to return to Him.