WARNING: WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN T-MINUS 5.....4.....3.....
- Katie Hunter
- Oct 21, 2015
- 2 min read
Self-destruction. Negative self-talk. Beating myself up. This all happened within a few short hours this morning.
The past few days have been a whirlwind. I recently acquired a new job as a registered nurse and have had mandatory on-site training for the past two days. It is roughly an hour commute (round-trip) and we have been expected to be there from 9:00-5:00 both days. To many this may not seem like a big deal, but for me it almost makes my head and heart explode.
In the stress of finding a babysitter and telling myself that I will not ruin my kids by doing this, I have been, shall we say, a little high-strung. I will spare you many of the details, but suffice it to say that it has been a little emotional.
I have had a few surprises. For example, I have felt a little more upbeat wearing my metaphorical nursing hat. Nursing is something I enjoy and I feel that I am a quick learner and good at my job. I enjoy being able to help people in a different setting and I also enjoy the adult conversation. (I will also say that my ears are thanking me, as I have not had to listen to glass-shattering squeals/screams for two days). I also enjoy the time driving to and from work. It's my time to ponder and I haven't had that for a while.
But today. Today was the day I was going to get laundry done, work out, chop a million onions and freeze them, spend quality time with my children and work on editing pictures. Haha! Good one!
Of course, nothing went as planned, but that is not really the frustrating part. I am slowly learning to deal with the disappointment of not living up to my domestic standards. The truly frustrating part was the voice inside my head saying "I can't do this."
I can't work out with the kids around my feet.
I can't get my baby to settle down for some much needed sleep.
I can't stop eating that trail mix.
I can't keep the house clean.
I can't............. I can't............... I can't.................
I sat there, frustrated with myself and especially my negative self-talk. What was I to do? How was I ever to stop the negative chat repeating over and over in my head?
Little voice: Maybe you should pray.
Me: But I am angry. I don't feel like praying.
Little voice: It will help.
Me: I know it will, but that still doesn't make me want to do it.
Little voice: That's kind of silly, don't you think?
Me: Ok
My heart softened (just a smidge). And I offered up a simple prayer.
Please help me.
Three short words. One powerful phrase. Within these three words lies all the power we could ever wish for. Why? Because we cannot do it alone.
I can't make the change by myself, but We can. With the help of my Heavenly Father and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ I CAN do anything. It's not easy, but it is possible.
