Dear Expectant/First Time Mom

My sweet sister-in-law gave birth to a handsome baby boy just over one week ago. It has been so exciting to see her and her husband prepare for the arrival of their first child. She glowed with first-time mommy anticipation. All went well with the labor and delivery and a cute, chubby boy is now part of the clan.

A few days ago, I got a phone call from said sister-in-law. She was fairly distrought at how the first few days of being a mother had been. Her milk still hadn't come in all the way and she was afraid that she wasn't providing enough. She also opened up about some other hard things that she was experiencing. In that moment it was almost as if I were transported through time to when I had my first child. All of the heartache, confusion, frustration, joy, excitement, anxiety, and love I experienced came flooding back to my mind.

My heart ached for this new mom, who was suddenly doubting who she was and wondered if she was really cut out for this new role. I wished desperately that I could transport myself through time and space and wrap my arms around her. I wanted to tell her everything and nothing all at the same time.

I sat on the line for a few moments. I could hear her trying to hold back the tears but not being able to. I could hear her desperation, her lonliness. I thought: What is the best thing I can say to her right now? Here are a few things I said to her and would say to any new mother.

Breathe.

You just barely spent the last 9.5 months growing, nuturing, feeding, and bonding with a tiny person. You delivered that baby, one way or another, and that baby is safe and healthy. You just did what literally no man can ever do. You are AMAZING!!!

Give yourself some time.

You are learning a completely new language. You and your baby are figuring out how to communicate with one another and it is going to take some time to really get it down. Eventually you will be able to distinguish between the "I'm hungry" cry and the "I'm tired" cry and even the "I just want to be held" cry, but that understanding is not going to happen the moment you lay eyes on your baby.

Breastfeeding is hard!!!

I always imagined myself hearing the gentle cry of my baby and gracefully gliding down the stairs in my Cinderella ballgown. I envisioned myself achieving the perfect latch and enjoying the tender sweet connection of mother and child. In reality, breastfeeding was extremely difficult for me.

Without going into too much detail, my anatomy was not ideal and my first born was a lazy latcher/eater. I got mastitis 8 times and did 7 courses of antibiotics. I made it to 3.5 months before my OB/GYN told me I really should consider quitting. It was painful. It was challenging. I made it as far as I could and eventually had to relent. I felt like a failure. I felt like I wouldn't have a smart or healthy child. I felt ashamed.

In retrospect, I recognize these fears and insecurities were unnecessary and I was too hard on myself. It's a natural part of the process. I learned from it and now I can better relate to those that struggle with breastfeeding. And, to give you some hope, I have since been able to breastfeed my two daughters with fewer complciations.

Reach out.

I know that sometimes you just want to figure it out on your own. Maybe you live far away from family and you don't want to be a burden to your friends. Maybe you feel disconnected from your family or you want to appear to have it all together. Whatever the reason, try to let that go and reach out to those that love you. There are always little nuggets of wisdom and comfort available to you through the people around you.

Listen to your heart.

A great line from a movie I just watched went something like this: "I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mom He did." (Mom's Night Out) You were prepared to be the mother of your specific children and they, in turn, were prepared to have you as their mother. You will know the needs of your individual child. You can (and will) receive advice (good or bad), read all of the parenting books in the world, do research on Pinterest, join Facebook groups, and still your natural insticts will be the better answer. When in doubt, go with your gut.

I could go on and on in giving you advice, but the most important thing to remember is that God loves you. He is proud of you for taking that brave step of becoming a parent. It is not going to be easy, but I promise you that it will all be okay. You will get this figured out. You will come to know the joy and love that every parent talks about. You will get frustrated, but you will have many tender moments and memories that will forever grace your heart and mind.

Remember, we are all in this together!

#mommytobe #expectantmothers #firsttimemom #parenting #religious #comfort #patience #breathe #babies #breastfeeding #parentingchallenges